A young couple sent a friend a playpen when their sixth child arrived. Her thank-you note took them by surprise--"The playpen is just what I needed." She wrote, "Every afternoon I sit in it and read, and the kids can't get near me!" That's one way of dealing with the stress of motherhood. There are other ways too.

"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
--Hank Aaron

"People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

                                                          ---- Joan Rivers

In the News:

The National Board of Revenue in Dhaka, Bangladesh, found a large container that was marked "scrap metal" at a railway terminal.  In fact, it was an importer's ploy to avoid paying custom duties.  Inside the container was a Mercedes Benz, a Toyota car, and other luxury goods.  Customs official, Khairuzzman Chowdhury said if the import company wanted them to think it was scrap metal, then they would make it scrap metal.  His office held a public ceremony and as witnesses watched, bulldozers crushed the contents of the container.  "They are not likely to forget this.  We can't be fooled," he said.

I can tell I must be getting older when my friends and I have conversations that go like this  (true story)!

       It was a cold night in November and I picked up my friend for a workshop that we had signed up for.  We started off down the road and she said, "Um, Heather, Do you have heated seats?"

"Yes," I said.  "Do you want me to turn it off?"

"No," she said.  "I just wanted to make sure I didn't wet my pants!"

The father glumly finished examining his son's report card. "Well, one thing is definitely in your favor," he told the boy. "With these grades, you couldn't possibly be cheating."

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
----Comedian Rodney Dangerfield

One organization gives new employees a taste for their corporate culture by telling them their motto:
You don't have to be crazy to work here----we'll train you!

One company plays Pin-The-Tail-on-the-Donkey when celebrating employees birthdays at the office. It reintroduces a childlike perspective!

All Is Fair In Business

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'

Was heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando:  "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.  If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language.   Thank You."

"I'm a gym member.  I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last ...twelve hundred times" 

Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing on Friends

I once read that Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest. He came in third.

My 3 1/2 year old nephew, Bryce, was sitting quietly in the family room watching cartoons. His dad came in to tell him it was time to eat and asked him if he was hungry. My nephew's reply was, "No thanks. I just ate a booger."

My son was bummed after being told by the doctor No Sports for two weeks and you need to wear this boot---so, I found him a t-shirt at Target that reads "I do all my own stunts". We got a good laugh!

In 1961, Henry Matisse's "Le Bateau" had been on display in New York's Museum of Modern Art for more than a month before it was pointed out that the painting was upside down!